Sardarji Jokes - 0000027

Banta started to explain his Adventure. He had gone to a remote village on some work and due to his high level of intelligence, couldn't finish the work on time. He had missed the last bus from that place. He couldn't find any Hotel. So he approached a nearby house and asked the owner whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied "I have 2 grown up daughters. Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."

He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay there for the night.

The Owner replied,"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry, I can't allow you to stay."

He went towards the next house and without taking any risks,asked, "Do you have grown up daughters?"

The Owner asked,"WHY?????????"

Banta replied, "I wanted to stay here for a night ....."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000026

Sardarji went to US to live with his brother. Sardarji’s Brother owns an apple shop in US. One day he asked his brother to stay at the shop because he had to go somewhere.

He asked his brother if somebody comes to shop and ask for the apple’s price, tell them $2 a pound. If somebody questions whether these apples are sweet
or sour, tell them some are sweet and some are not. If some body says I do not want to buy, tell them somebody else will buy.

Now the sardarji was ready to sell the apples.

A lady comes and asks sardarji, Do you know what time it is ? Sardarji replied $2 a pound.

Lady said; all sardarji’s are idiot and fools. Sardarji replied, some are, some are not.

Lady got frustrated and said, I will take you to police station. Sardarji replied, if you will not take me some body else will take.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000025

Sardaarji one day went to see an 'A' certified movie.

In the movie there was a scene in which the beautiful heroine going to take a bath in a river. There was a railway track nearby, parallel to the river.

As the heroine starts removing her clothes, a train comes along the track and blocks the view of the heroine. When the train finally passes over the track, next shot shown is the heroine standing on the river bank fully dressed, having finished her bath.

Sardaarji was disappointed. He started going for the movie everyday, every show and always came out a dejected man.

Sardaar's friend who noticed this routine asked him what the matter was. Sardaar explained everything, the beautiful heroine going to take a bath and the damned train coming along, blocking the view.

His friend again asked "then what the hell you are going for the movie again and again?"

Sardaar replied "Arrey yaar, Indian Railway ki gaadi hai naa?? Ek din jaroor late aayegi aur mujhe woh scene dekhne ko milega......is ummid me jaa rahaa hoon yaar...."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000024

Four guys, from Harvard, Yale, MIT and SANTA SINGH from Punjab University were to be interviewed for a prestigious job. One common question was asked to all 4 of them.

INTERVIEWER: WHICH IS THE FASTEST THING IN THE WORLD?

1. YALE guy: Its light, Nothing can travel faster than light.

2. HARVARD Guy: It's the Thought; b'cos thought is so fast it comes instantly in your mind.

3. MIT guy: Its Blink, you can blink and its hard to realize you blinked

4. SANTA SINGH: Its Loose motion

INTERVIEWER: (Shocked to hear Santa's reply, asked) "WHY"?

SANTA SINGH: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

Sardarji Jokes - 0000023

There was a Sardar and his name was

' SANTA SINGH NANGA '.

Everybody used to laugh at him, tease him for having such a name.

Once in a friend's Party, the host introduced SANTA SINGH to others saying

"Meet my old friend SANTA SINGH NANGA ", and the whole party burst into laughter..

Santa could not take it any more and decided to legally change his name. He went to the court and appealed to the judge:

Sardar: "Judge saab, mera naa sunke sare hass de ne. Tussi sunoge ta tussi vi hassoge. Mainu mera naa badalna hai"

Judge: "O nahi-nahi ! Koi gal nahi.. Tussi apna naa dasso..(bolo)"

Sardar: "Mera naa hai "SANTA SINGH NANGA"

Judge saab also starts laughing..

Judge : " Koi gal nahi.Koi gal nahi. Tussi yeh batawo Tuhanu keda nava naa chahida hai ?"

Sardar (After thinking for a while): "Banta Singh Nanga "

Sardarji Jokes - 0000022

One Sardar was enjoying sun on a beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, “Are you relaxing?”

Sardar answered, “No I am Banta Singh.”

Another guy came and asked the same question. Sardar answered “No no me! Banta Singh.” Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the beach.

He went and asked him, “Are you relaxing?” The other Sardar was much educated and answered “Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said, “Idiot, sab tere ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu yahaan aaram kar raha hai.”

Sardarji Jokes - 0000021

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets.

The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani ! (mosquito net). He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.

His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi ?

In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gyani Singh (No assumptions please !) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gyani Singh wearning nothing he tries to do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.

In the hospital his friends tell him "Aare yaar, therre bap mein tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin key gaya tha, aur tu nanga chala gaya" Gyani Singh replies "Arrey yaar main tho odomos laga key gaya tha" !

Sardarji Jokes - 0000020

Banta Singh, coming back from a late night movie was attacked by a thief. There was a terrific fight and Banta gave a good account for himself. But finally the thief tied him down and went through his pockets. He found only 25 Paisa.

The exasperated robber exclaimed "What the hell. Why were you fighting for only 25 Paisa" Banta replied "Oh. You were only after this 25 paise is it ? I thought you were after the Rs.1,000 I have hidden in my left shoe".

Sardarji Jokes - 0000019

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.

When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter ?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Sardarji Jokes - 0000018

Bill and Sardarji walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Sardarji goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Sardarji! How are you? Hey everybody! Sardarji's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Sardarji. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Sardarji sit down and begin to eat.

"Sardarji, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Sardarji.

"Now Sardarji," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."

"Oh yeah," Sardarji replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!"

"That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?"

"Let's go!" says Sardarji.

The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Sardarji! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave.

"That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!"

"Let's go!" says Sardarji.

The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Sardarji my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave.

Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!"

"Benny!" says Sardarji, "Let's go!"

When they get to the Vatican, Sardarji instructs Bill to wait outside and Sardarji will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Sardarji, when the Pope came out, Sardarji's arm was wrapped around him. Sardarji looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.

"Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says,

"Sardarji. You're the most popular man in the world."

"I told you that, Bill," says Sardarji, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"

"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Sardarji?"

Sardarji Jokes - 0000017

Santa is driving down a road and sees a sign that says, “Watch for Fallen Rocks.”

A few kilometres later, he sees some rocks at the side of the road, so he stops and picks them up.

When he gets to the next town, he carries the rocks into the Highway Maintenance office and puts them on the counter.

“Here are your fallen rocks,” he says to the man behind the counter. “Now where is my watch?”.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000016

Our Sardar, one day is at the railway station.

He asks one man, “When will Rajdhani Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

“When will Punjab Express go from here”?

Man Replies, 10.30.

“When will Deccan Queen go from here”?

Man Replies, 12.30.

Thus the sardar goes on asking for all the trains. Now the man gets fed up and asks whether he wants to go to punjab by train or not.

Sardar replies, “NO. I only want to cross the tracks

Sardarji Jokes - 0000015

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top.

After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.

He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's going' on? Why are you scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?"

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

Sardarji Jokes - 0000014

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were discussing how they would like to die.

Santa said, "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep. I don't want to die screaming like some of his friends, who also died at the same time."

Banta asked, "How did his friends die screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully?"

Santa Singh replied, "His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000013

Santa Singh and Banta Singh were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket life in the heaven. Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.

"So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?"

Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night match here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's match!"

Sardarji Jokes - 0000012

Sardar Santa Singhji is the english teacher in a school. He is very well renowned for all his students do very well in exams. The school is having an inspection and the inspector decided to visit the english class. This is what transpires:
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA "
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI"
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI"
Santa Singh : " Bolo bachon GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH "
Students (in chorous) : "GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH"

By this time the inspector is furious . He confronts the principal and shouts at him "What is this Santa Singh teaching to students. He is supposed to be taking an English class and what he is saying is GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA , GADHE KE
PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH.

The principle too is shocked , Santa Singh the famous english teacher doing this. He immediately sends for Santa Singh.
Principal : " Santa singhji what nonsense are you telling these students, GADHA ,GADHE KE PECHE GADHA, GADHE KE PECHE MAI AUR MERE PECHE SAARA DESH".
Santa Singh : "Yes I was telling all this in class, but i was only teaching the students the spellings of assassination.:- Ass-Ass-I-Nation

Sardarji Jokes - 0000011

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express.

Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth.

Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English.

Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000010

Santa Singh stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, sir?"

"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"

"What was wrong with it?"

"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"

The librarian nodded and said, "Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000009

TrespaSing

A Sikh was on his way to Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The owner comes out angrily:

Owner: Hey, do you know you are trespassing?

Sikh: No, I'm Banta Singh.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000008

A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo.

The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase.

Owner : Who's that?

Master: Miaooow...

The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished.

The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes.

Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase.

Owner : Koun Hai ? ( Who's that ? )

Sardar : Mai Billi . ( I am the cat.)

Owner : Oh, Billi ( Oh. Cat.) and goes back to sleep.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000007

Santa and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says to santa:"I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus."
Santa answers: "I do not believe that."
They agree that the loser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema.
Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time."
Then Santa replies: "And I saw it for the fourth time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000006

All the 4 sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their taxi into the sea at Marine Lines. They started pushing their taxi. They pushed the whole day and were very exhausted but the taxi did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the next day. The next day the story repeated itself. The taxi just wouldnt move. They pushed for a whole week but the taxi wouldnt budge. WHY?

B'cos two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000005

After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old taxi driving. They bought a new Premier Padmini running on CNG and began to look for passengers. They drew past Churchgate but nobody hailed their taxi. They went to Nariman point yet nobody hailed their taxi. They drove to Chatrapati Shivaji Terminus, even there nobody hailed their taxi. In desperation they kept on driving all around Mumbai but alas no one hailed their taxi. WHY ?
B'cos all the four sardars were sitting in the taxi.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000004

After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing equipments and soon started the garage. The 4 sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day, 2 days ,a week but no car came to their garage. WHY?
B'cos their garage was on the first floor.

Sardarji Jokes - 0000003

There were 4 sardars in Mumbai. They decided to start a business.They had a lot of discussions on the type of business and finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugrated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the next day. A week passed but noboby turned up. WHY?
Bcos there was a sign at the entrance "Visitors not allowed"

Sardarji Jokes - 0000002

Santa and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren't mine."
His second friend says, "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber, the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Santa says, "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Sardarji Jokes - 0000001

A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning,he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour's wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!"
He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the the person. Then he realized he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke.The line at the concession stand was also very long, but since the game hadn't started he decided to wait.Just as he got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Balbir!"
Again He got out of line as he wandered looking for that person.But no luck. He was very upset as he got back in line for his coke. Finally, he had his coke and took his seat, eager for the game to begin.As he waited for the first pitch, he heard the voice calling, "Hey, Balbir!" once more
He stood up and yelled at the top of his lungs, "My name isn't Balbir!"